Blessings

It took me a few days to finish this post, as I've had relapses of crazy and self pity

God has blessed me with so many things. Lately I've been focusing on what's wrong with my life and not what's right.  I've been so afraid of being a disappointment to those I care about that I've been making myself and those around me miserable.

As I'm writing this I'm full of fear and stress about life but  I'm determined to be thankful for what I have regardless.

I have a great place to live, with lots of nice neighbors that help me out when I need it.  Just the other day I was walking to the gas station to get a money order to pay my rent and one of my neighbors drove by and asked if I needed a ride.  At first I said no because I didn't want to bother her, but I ended up taking her up on the offer.
When I got to the gas station the guy informed me they were out of paper for the money order machine and I would have to go to a different location that was more than walking distance.
Thank you Lord for putting her in my path to help me pay my rent.

Another neighbor has a boxer like my Ozzy boy that comes over to play with him everyday and let's him out for me when I'm at work.
Before no other dogs would play with him because he was too big and bouncy. Now he has lots of people and a few dogs that go out of their way to come play with him.
Thank you Lord for putting me somewhere Ozzy can have a happy life.

I have enough food to eat.
Thank you Lord for blessing me with a job despite all of my complaining.

I have  amazing family and friends that love me and are there for me no matter what.
Thank you Lord for showing me what unconditional love is

Despite all of my fears I am a functional person living independently (for the most part) living with a disability.
Thank you Lord for not letting me give up when I'm in the darkness of depression and self hate.

Most of all Thank you Lord for loving me especially when I can't love myself