I've been working on making a better me. It may take awhile but it will happen.
I want to stop the wounded puppy feelings I get when it appears that I don't matter to people like they matter to me.
Everyone is at a different stage in their lives. Some are going through good seasons and some are trying to get through the bad.
When you're going through a bad season you might become focused on the pain and finding a way out. It's only natural to want the pain to stop and to search for that light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes I find myself hiding in the tunnel, hoping nobody sees me but at the same time hoping someone will come rescue me.
The hard truth is no one can bring me to the end of this tunnel but me. Friends can walk beside me and help me try and find the light or pick me up when I fall but they also have their own tunnel to get through.
In my life I have wandered through other peoples tunnels and been there when they've found their light. I felt happiness for them. They started following me through my tunnel and held me up through some very scary parts but when I chose to take a path through the tunnel they thought was going in the wrong direction they left me in the darkness.
Sometimes I'll still hear a few words from them but the friendship is gone and I am swallowed up by the hurt and pain in this tunnel.
"Am I a bad person? Is that why they left me here"? echos through the tunnel.
"You don't go out of your way for them like you used to."
"The pain has changed you"
"You're not the friend you used to be. you're a self absorbed bitch"
It's time for me to stop believing the lies of the tunnel. I need to keep moving forward and make my way out so I can be a better stronger me to support others through their tunnels.
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